


Missing Pieces

by LibraryMage



Category: Star Wars: Rebels
Genre: Force Bond (Star Wars), Gen, Memory Alteration, Memory Loss
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-04-27
Updated: 2019-04-29
Packaged: 2020-02-07 07:33:36
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 3,862
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18616048
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LibraryMage/pseuds/LibraryMage
Summary: Still determined to have Ezra as his apprentice, Maul turns to some old magic to get what he wants.





	1. Chapter 1

When Ezra’s eyes opened, he found himself surrounded by darkness.  He was sitting up, leaning back against something hard -- _a wall maybe?_ \-- with his hands bound behind his back.  He could barely move his hands, but he could feel that there were heavy durasteel cuffs around his wrists with a short chain attached to them, the other end bolted into the stone behind him.

As Ezra’s eyes slowly adjusted to the darkness, he realized that he was in a cave.  A cave that he quickly recognized.

Dathomir.

Ezra began to struggle against his bonds, his heart hammering as his eyes darted around, watching for any sign of the glowing green mist that signaled the presence of the Nightsisters.  Turning his head to look over his shoulder, his breath caught in his throat as he saw that it was the altar that he was chained to.

Now that he knew where he was, the memory came flooding back to him.  He remembered the dark presence that had crept up on him on Atollon.  He remembered the hand around his neck and the hypospray injecting something into his arm.  He remembered…

“Good.  You’re finally awake,” a cold voice said.

Maul emerged from the shadows surrounding Ezra, towering over him as he approached.

“Stay away from me,” Ezra hissed.  “I mean it.  One more step and I’ll --”

“You’ll what?” Maul asked, sounding almost amused by Ezra’s empty threat.  “You are unarmed, restrained, and alone with no backup.  I doubt your friends have even realized you’re gone yet.”

“What do you want from me?” Ezra asked.  His hands were beginning to shake as he realized Maul was probably right.  He hadn't even checked in before he left the base, thinking he wouldn’t be gone that long.  It would take hours before the rest of the crew realized he was missing, and even more before they concluded that he wasn’t on the planet.  By the time they figured out what had happened, _if_ they were able to figure it out at all, it would be too late.

“You know exactly what I want, apprentice,” Maul said, his eyes seeming to glow even brighter in the darkness.

“You won't get it,” Ezra said, cursing the small tremor in his voice as he glared up at Maul in a weak display of defiance.

Maul leaned down, grabbing Ezra’s chin and forcing his head back.

“I will,” he said.  “And this time, the Jedi won't be a factor.”

His grip tightened as he reached over Ezra’s shoulder toward something resting on the altar.  Ezra fought to pull away, but he couldn’t break free before something was pressed to his lips; a cup filled with bright green liquid, so similar to what Maul had made him drink before.  Ezra coughed and shuddered as it slid down his throat.

For a moment, nothing happened, and Ezra dared to let himself hope that nothing would.  But within seconds, his head began to ache.  A heavy fog seemed to roll into his mind, clouding his thoughts and cutting him off from his senses as Maul released his face and knelt down in front of him.

“What did you do to me?” Ezra asked, his words slurred.

“I simply opened your mind,” Maul said.  “Lowered your defenses.  It will make this so much easier.”

“Make what --”

Before Ezra could finish the question, something reached into his mind, shadows spilling into his head and stretching out into every corner.  He tried to push them back, but he just…couldn’t.  His mental defenses were gone, as if they’d just dissolved into nothing.

“No,” Ezra gasped as the shadows twisted inside his head, sending a dull pain radiating through his skull.  “No, stop!  What are you doing?”

Maul gave no response out loud, but his presence in Ezra’s mind wrapped around a recent memory and pulled it to the surface.  He was sparring with Kanan, disarming him and knocking him to the ground.  A warm rush spread through him at the proud smile on Kanan’s face.

That dull pain began pulsing in his head, almost burning.  Ezra didn’t know what he had just been thinking about.  Something to do with Kanan…

Maul’s presence swiftly moved to a memory from much farther back.  Ezra was hanging over a ledge, Kanan’s hand around his ankle, trying to pull him back up as the Inquisitors advanced on them.

Another surge of pain, this one so strong Ezra felt bile rising up in his throat.  He felt as if a small hole had been burned in his mind, though he had no idea what had been there before.  Inquisitors?  Kanan…

Those shadows moved on to another memory.  Ezra, burying his face in Kanan’s shoulder, the holocron clutched in one hand; Kanan’s arms around him; Kanan’s voice; “It’s over.”

And Ezra realized what Maul was doing.

He tried to hold onto the memory, but the fog in his head was overwhelming him, and Maul pulled it away from him easily.

Ezra pushed back, trying to fight Maul off as the shadows moved swiftly through his mind, tearing away memory after memory.  But his struggles didn’t do him any good.  It was as if all of his abilities to defend himself had been stripped away by whatever Maul had forced him to drink.

“No!” Ezra screamed.  His voice seemed to be the only thing working the way it should be.  “Get out of my head!”

The pain in his head grew stronger, pounding inside his skull.  He screamed and pulled at his restraints so hard that he felt his skin going slick with blood.

“Stop!” he shouted, his voice breaking.  He tasted saltwater on his lips, not even knowing when he’d started crying.  “Please!”

Maul ignored his cries, still tearing through Ezra’s mind until there was nothing left of Kanan.  _Who’s Kanan?_   Ezra knew he had just been wondering…something…who someone was?  But the question had vanished from his mind almost immediately, drowned out by the pounding headache.

Something tugged at a distant memory, gently pulling it to the surface of his mind.  Mom was tucking him into bed, one hand gently stroking his hair as she kissed his forehead.

“No!” Ezra cried, his voice weak and shaking.  “Not them.  Please, not them.”

“Don’t worry, apprentice,” a voice said.  “You can keep this.”

The memory was shoved downward, buried deeply in Ezra’s mind until he could just barely remember that he had even been thinking about something a moment ago.  The memories of…someone…someone important were just out of his reach.  He knew they were there, but he couldn’t get to them.

The shadows in his mind pulled back slightly and the pounding in Ezra’s head began to ease.  Something was nudging at him inside his head, almost like it was…pushing something into place?  Things were shifting around, rearranging themselves.  A word was pulled to the surface of his mind.  _Master_.  The word meant something to him.  It was attaching itself to a memory…to a person…to the man kneeling in front of him.

The fog in Ezra’s mind grew thicker until he couldn’t form a single coherent thought.  His eyelids were suddenly heavier than he thought possible and they quickly slid shut as darkness closed in around him.


	2. Chapter 2

When Ezra’s eyes opened, he gasped and abruptly sat up, shrinking away from the man who was kneeling on the ground beside him.  His eyes darted around, frantically scanning his surroundings.

_Where am I?  How did I get here?_

_Why can't I remember **anything**?_

“Ezra,” the man said, his voice steady as he rested a hand on Ezra’s shoulder.  “It’s alright.  You’re safe now.”

Ezra flinched, pulling away from the man’s touch and hugging his arms around himself.  His wrists were aching and one of them was marked by patches of dried blood.  His throat was raw, as if he’d been screaming.

_What’s going on?_

The man’s hand gripped Ezra’s chin, forcing him to look up into those piercing yellow eyes.  Those eyes looked so familiar…

“Do you remember me?” the man asked.

“…Master?” Ezra said, the pieces slowly falling into place in his mind.

The man released him with a satisfied smile.

“What happened?” Ezra asked.  “I--I don’t remember anything.”

He was shaking now as he leaned back against some large stone object behind him.  He knew his own name.  He knew that the man beside him was his master.  Maul?  The name hovered just below the surface of his mind, and it _seemed_ right.  But everything else was gone, as if something had wiped his mind clean.

“Don’t worry, Ezra,” his master said.  “I can tell you everything.”

“Please,” Ezra said, hating the way his voice broke under the weight of his fear.  He needed _something_ to make sense, and if he couldn’t remember, at least his master could give him the answers.

“I found you three years ago,” his master said.  “I took you in to train you as my apprentice and teach you the ways of the Force.”

That word stirred something in the back of Ezra’s mind.  The Force…

_…surrounds us penetrates us binds the galaxy together it’s strong with you Ezra…_

“I remember,” Ezra mumbled, staring down at his hands.  He winced as he abruptly snapped back to reality.  “I mean, I don’t remember that.  But I remember the Force.  I remember what it is.”

“I thought so,” his master said.  “It seems only your personal memories are gone.”

Ezra nodded, his eyes glazing over for a moment as he searched through the blank slate of his mind, trying to remember something, _anything_.  But there was nothing there.  All he had was what his master had just told him, and even that was just a piece of information, with no real memory attached to it.

“You said you found me,” Ezra said.  “What do you mean?”

“You were living on the streets,” his master said, his tone detached, almost clinical.  “Your parents were killed by the Empire when you were a child, and you had been fending for yourself ever since.”

As if yanked to the front of his mind by the words, a memory surfaced.  A man and a woman being dragged away by stormtroopers; his own, much younger, voice screaming for his parents; the burning feeling of tears in his eyes.

“I remember,” he said, his voice breaking.  “I remember them.”

_Thunder cracked outside the window.  Ezra let out a frightened squeak and pressed himself against his father’s side.  He was wedged in between Mom and Dad, in their bed, a blanket clutched tightly around him.  His earliest memory, he’d been scared of storms then…_

Ezra felt that burning sensation behind his eyes and tried to blink away the tears that were forming only for more to take their place.

“The Empire took your family from you,” his master said, resting his hand on Ezra’s shoulder.  “I trained you so that one day you would be strong enough to get justice for what happened.”

Ezra nodded, hugging his arms even tighter around himself.  He couldn’t remember any of it.  But he had to trust what his master was saying.  There was nothing else.  If he didn't have the information he was being given, then he had nothing, and the thought of returning to that empty void his mind had been when he woke sent a chill running down his spine.

“What happened to me?” he asked.  “Why can't I remember?”

His master paused, as though reluctant to say anything.  The bottom dropped out of Ezra’s stomach.  If his master didn’t want to tell him, it had to be something horrible.  Something he didn’t think Ezra could handle.

“You were taken prisoner by a Jedi,” his master said.  “He used the Force to damage your mind and destroy your memories.”

By now, Ezra’s nails were biting into his skin through his sleeves.  It was all he could do not to begin shaking with rage.  He clung to his anger, holding onto it like a life preserver.  With his memories gone, the anger was all he had now.

“Do you know his name?” Ezra asked, his voice shaking.

“Ezra --”

“Who did this to me?” Ezra growled.

“His name is Kanan Jarrus.”


	3. Chapter 3

At the sound of the door opening, Ezra looked up.  His eyes narrowed as the Jedi entered the room, rage rising up in his throat like bile, choking him.

“Sabine’s going to be fine,” Jarrus said.

Ezra averted his eyes, tightening his arms around his knees, which were pulled up against his chest.  Even that small movement made the chain connecting the cuffs around his wrists rattle slightly.  The sound dug into Ezra’s mind, irritating something buried deep beneath the surface.  He wondered if the sound was attached to one of the memories the Jedi had stripped from his mind.  More than a few times over the months since he’d lost his memory, something small like a sound or a word would feel significant even though he could never figure out why.

“She’ll have a black eye for a while, but you didn’t hurt her that badly,” the Jedi said.  “And she’s not mad at you.”

“Why should I care about that?” Ezra snapped, tearing his gaze away from the floor to glare up at the Jedi again.  He knew exactly what Jarrus was going to say next.  It was the same lie he’d told Ezra every day in the two weeks since he’d been captured by the Jedi and his crew.

“Because she’s your family,” Jarrus said, kneeling down across from Ezra, who mentally recoiled from the sincerity he heard in the Jedi’s voice and felt in the Force, as if he really believed what he was saying.

“She’s not my family,” Ezra hissed.  “None of you are.”

Jarrus reached out a hand toward him and Ezra flinched back against the wall, silently cursing himself for his display of fear.

“I’m just taking those cuffs off,” the Jedi said.  With a wave of his hand, the binders opened and fell to the floor.  Ezra stared down at them for a moment before turning his gaze back to the Jedi, a sharp thread of suspicion weaving its way through his mind.  Why would Jarrus remove his restraints after Ezra had just attacked a member of his crew?

“Ezra,” Jarrus said, his voice soft, with just the slightest hint of desperation to it.  “Please talk to me.”

“I have nothing to say to you,” Ezra spat.  His eyes stung with tears as he averted his gaze, once again looking down at the floor.  It was agony, having to spend every day facing the man who’d violated his mind, tearing away his memories until he was little more than an empty shell with almost no knowledge of who he was.  He hated Kanan Jarrus with the burning intensity of a hundred stars.  He wanted nothing more than to attack, to make the Jedi feel the same pain and terror he’d felt when he’d woken up to find his mind empty, stripped of everything that had made him real.

“Then just listen,” Jarrus said.  “Please.  Maul lied to y--”

“There’s nothing you can say to make me turn against my master,” Ezra said, cutting the Jedi off before he could add another word to his web of lies.

“Ezra, he’s not your master,” Jarrus said.  “He altered your memories to make you think he is.”

Fury burned in Ezra’s chest like a flame just under his heart as he stared at Jarrus, his eyes widening slightly.  After everything he’d done to Ezra, everything he’d _taken_ from Ezra, he was trying to convince Ezra that it had never happened, that Maul, his master who’d taken him in and taught him and protected him, was the one who’d destroyed him.

Before Ezra even realized what he was doing, he’d launched himself at the Jedi, taking him by surprise and pinning him to the floor, one hand squeezing around his throat.

“Liar!” he shouted.  He drew back his fist and slammed it into Jarrus’s face, feeling a sharp sense of satisfaction at the sound of his knuckles hitting flesh.  “You did this to me!  You took my memories!”

As he drew his fist back again, the Jedi reached out, catching Ezra’s wrist in his hand.  His other hand closed around Ezra’s shoulder and pushed, throwing Ezra off of him.  Ezra gasped as his back hit the floor and the air was knocked from his lungs.  As Ezra pushed himself up onto his knees, the Jedi did the same, coughing and gasping as one hand rubbed at his neck.  As Ezra drew himself back into his own head, the pure rage that had driven his actions fading just slightly, fear coiled through his chest like a tendril of frost on transparisteel.  The Jedi had already proven himself capable of hurting Ezra in the worst possible way, and for a moment, Ezra froze up in terror at the thought of what Jarrus might do to him now.

“He’s the one who lied to you,” the Jedi said.

“No,” Ezra said, his voice shaking.  “I’m not letting you trick me.  He said you would try and I’m not falling for it.”

“I’m not trying to trick you, Ezra,” the Jedi said.  “I know you can sense that.”

“No,” Ezra muttered.

The Jedi gave a soft sigh.  He almost seemed…sad?  Something about it didn’t seem right.

“Your name is Ezra Bridger,” Jarrus said.  “You were born on Lothal.  Your parents were arrested for treason when you were seven years old.  How would I know that if I didn’t know you?”

“You could’ve found that out when you took my memories,” Ezra said.  “It doesn’t mean anything.”

The Jedi’s mouth pressed into a tight line for a moment as he reconsidered what he was saying.  When he spoke again, his voice was almost too gentle, as if he thought Ezra was going to break at the sound of it.

“Our bond is still there, Ezra,” the Jedi said.  “It’s still as strong as it ever was.  How do you think it got there?”

Something buzzed in the back of Ezra’s mind, as if that poisonous bond itself was now trying to convince him, too.  His hands began shaking as he desperately tried to block the feeling out.  His master had already told him about the bond, how the Jedi had forced it on him to make it easier to destroy his memories.  His master had helped him block the bond, but hadn't been able to break it.

Just thinking about the bond made that buzzing grow more intense.  Ezra threw his hands over his ears as though that would block it out and shook his head vigorously.

“Stop,” he muttered.  “Get out of my head.”

“I’m not doing anything,” Jarrus said.  Ezra shook his head again, trying to ignore the gut reaction that told him the Jedi was speaking the truth.  “Just open our bond.  You’ll know I’m telling the truth.”

“I can't,” Ezra said, his voice barely above a whisper.  Some deep-seated instinct, one he had no idea the origin of, screamed at him to just reach out, to trust the Force even if he couldn’t trust the Jedi.

“What are you afraid will happen?” the Jedi asked.

_Everything._

What if Jarrus took his memories again?  What if he went further than that, destroying Ezra’s mind completely?  What if he really _wasn’t_ lying?  What if he was lying, but Ezra learned that his master was lying, too, and he was forced back into that terrifying emptiness he’d been trapped in before his master had reminded him of who he was?

“Trust me, Ezra,” Kanan said.  Kanan.  Why was he thinking of the Jedi as _Kanan_?

Ezra didn’t trust him.  He _didn’t_.  He couldn’t.  But he trusted the Force.  He trusted the first thing he’d really remembered after he’d woken up on Dathomir.  And the Force was buzzing so loudly in the back of his mind that it almost drowned out the Jedi’s voice.

Slowly, his heart hammering, Ezra reached toward the barrier his master had placed in his mind, gently pushing it aside.

Almost instantly, a flood of emotion crashed into him.  He knew, instinctively, on the level that he knew he needed oxygen to breathe, that the bond wasn’t what his master had told him.  It hadn't been forced on him.  It had formed naturally, a bond between him and…and his master.  His _real_ master.

Slowly, Ezra raised his head, looking up at the Jedi -- at his master.

He still didn’t remember.

Ezra dropped his gaze back to the floor, hugging his arms tighter around himself as tears stung at his eyes.

“Are you okay?” Kanan asked.

“I don’t remember,” Ezra said, his voice breaking.  “I -- I know who you are, but I don’t remember anything.”

For a moment, Ezra stared blankly down at the floor.  As his next thought hit him like a runaway speeder, he abruptly looked up at Kanan again.

“He did this, didn’t he?” he asked.  “He took my memories and made me think you did it.”

“I wasn’t there,” Kanan said, knowing instinctively who Ezra was talking about.  “But I think that’s what happened.”

The tears Ezra had been trying to fight off began to spill from the corners of his eyes.  He buried his face in his hands and didn’t even notice that Kanan had moved toward him until the Jedi’s arm was around his shoulders.  Ezra leaned against Kanan’s side.  It felt so familiar, like he was built to fill this space, but he couldn’t remember _why_.

“You might not have your memories,” Kanan said, his voice soft, “but you can make new ones.”

A hard lump formed in Ezra’s throat, so heavy that he felt like he couldn’t breathe.  He wanted his old memories back.  He wanted to know how he’d met Kanan and whether his parents were really dead and why Maul had done this to him.  New memories weren’t going to answer the questions that he had or fill the void that he’d fallen back into the moment he’d realized Maul had been lying to him.

“How do I know this is even real?” he asked, his voice sounding so ragged and heavy that he barely recognized it.

Kanan hesitated and Ezra found himself once again gripped by sheer terror.  He needed an answer.  He needed to know he wasn’t being used and lied to again.

“I don’t know, Ezra,” Kanan said.  “Just…trust your instincts.  They’ve always steered you right before.”

Ezra clenched his jaw to stop it from trembling.  He supposed that was as good of an answer as he could expect, but something still burned painfully in his chest at the thought that there was no way to really know.

Kanan’s arm drew tighter around Ezra’s shoulders.

“It’s good to have you back,” he said.

Ezra said nothing.  He simply stared down at the floor, his eyes unfocused.  He wished he could feel the same way, but he just _couldn’t remember_ this place and these people.

It all felt like home.  And he had no idea why.


End file.
